Hello World!

My pastor recently spoke about why our prayers don’t get answered? My interpretation of what he suggested is getting in the way of our prayers being answered is this; We allow our strongholds and addictions to become the answers to our prayers. And if we don’t let go or overcome these things that seem more life saving than God’s work in us, then we miss out on God's continued Glory in our lives. We block the very blessings that we ask for.

What I have recently learned is that I don’t have a problem with God answering my prayers. He answers them and He delivers them. The problem I have is that when He answers and delivers, I am not ready. I’m not ready for the very things I asked God for because I am often impatient with His process, impatient with His way. I am not ready for His process of elevating my faith to the next level. I am not ready for the new thing God is doing in my life. And When I am not ready for the new thing God is doing, I return to what’s familiar… my strongholds and my addictions. Also known as, What Tenille feels like doing. As my pastor would say, "You put your name there".

My pastor also mentions a primary characteristic of our strongholds being REBELLION. Eureka! This is definitely accurate of me! I am a non-conformist by design. By God’s purpose!

Romans 12:2

Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Often, even when I have quieted my spirit or my voice, I am rebelling against something. I know this about me. When I disagree, I quietly rebel in spirit or I raise a riot with the sound of my voice. I even raise a riot in my soul and rebel against God! Now that's quite a tenacious (stupid), bold (foolish), and arrogant (prideful) spirit! Nonetheless, I rebel. I believe his characteristic to be the strongest in my stronghold (pun intended). It’s such a chronic disposition in me, that I insist to also rebel against myself. I do not even cooperate with myself at times. My spirit wants to rest with God, but my strongholds tell me to keep moving! Which for many of us ultimately means dodging God.

My! What a tangled web we weave! But I do believe we tangled this web trying to avoid being let down. Please. Please. Please. Help me to put my TRUST in YOU GOD!

Hello World!

I had to "RESET" my mind. It was all over the place filled with so many great ambitions. So many people to connect to and so many ideas to create, and yet life is still moving so I also have errands to do. But at that moment 3 days ago, I was only considering all the work and good deeds in my head and what was thrilling soon became exhausting. It was then I had to stop and realize it is not good for the mind to be busy. A Busy Mind is the indication of a "Lot of Unfinished Work!" Then here comes the Worried Mind that comes flooding in with the fears and anxiety to get these things done! Which unleashes the Survival Mind.  And can't forget about that old faithful mind that makes the final conclusion, the Mind of Despair. And I won't even begin to call out all the other violators of your mind that show up on the scene.

Who needs that drama? 

When I have so many thoughts consuming my mind, then fear and anxiety starts to direct my path. I make quick decisions or no decision at all and and we all know procrastination leads to nowhere. Or the lesser of the two evils, give energy to a little of this and a little of that, believing I'll get further along the path. Now you have a path of destruction, self-defeat, even a war path! A path of sorrow, excuses, and blame.

Who needs that drama?

What's my truth? If my mind is spinning and my path looks uncertain, I'm certain that I am overcompensating for a longing unfulfilled. Some needs gone unmet, a dream unrealized, desires yet to be satisfied. Do yourself a favor and put your mind at ease. It will never be satisfied with all your busyness, anxiety, and despair! 

How do you ease your mind? Im glad you asked. Now wait for God to give you the answer... cause no one in their right mind would dare ask me. But if I may, here's a suggestion...

Hello World...

Confessions of a busy mind.

Hello World!

Well I got this message yesterday when I got disconnected from online church yesterday. I thought maybe God is trying to tell me something. And He was. Through praying and good snotty crying like I never have before, I heard God say "CHANGE YOUR FOCUS AND YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND. CHANGE YOUR MIND AND YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR ENERGY. CHANGE YOUR ENERGY AND YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE." And so I reasoned, LET IT ALL BE GOD. IF ITS NOT GOD or for GOD than its NOTHING!! Let it GO! So I prayed:

Let It Be YOU GOD!! If it's not You God than its nothing!
The LOVE HOPE DREAMS & Ambitions we have, Let it BE YOU GOD!!  The words we choose. LET IT BE GOD. OUR AMOUR ~ OUR SHIELD ~ OUR SWORD. LET IT BE GOD!! The thoughts of TODAY YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW. LET IT BE GOD!! The thoughts that SHAKE our SPIRIT and the movie reels that play in our heads. LET IT BE GOD!! Our quarreling, hang ups, setbacks & grievances, LET IT BE GOD. The challenges, strongholds, and addictions, whatever they may be; LET THEM NOW BE GOD!!
Our MOTIVATION. Our PEACE Our REST Our JOY... LET IT BE GOD. Our Breath, Our Light, Our Insight, Our WAY, Our WILL, Our MIGHT. LET IT Belong to You GOD! Our Way OUT of darkness, Our Way OVER mountains, Our Way THROUGH valleys and Our WAY INTO GREATNESS.
GLORY!! LET IT ALLLLL BE YOU GOD! 
If it's not YOU GOD than ITS NOTHING!! LET IT GO!! 

Too many of our thoughts get stuck on too many wrong things and I can no longer allow my good creative mind and strong loving heart to be struck down by thoughts that are oppressed by so much sorrow and opposition. I prayed, cried, and pleaded, that God would help me to outdo this trouble in my head. 

Because things happen and life goes on! BUT... it's our thoughts that keep bringing us back to our past troubles. It's our thoughts that magnify our present troubles. It's our thoughts that make us fear, doubt, and be confused and flea from troubles, failures, and disappointments that we have fabricated for our future which has yet to even exist and we don't even know if we will get there. BUT STILL... we grieve our spirits for what we do not even know. How crazy and foolish are we? And now here we are in a single moment of thoughts in our heads turning them into a lifetime of trouble. Pain. Misery. Disappointment. Anger. Bitterness. Arguments. Slander. Un-forgiveness. Hostility. Giving Up emotionally while living on autopilot and always wanting a break from functioning because we function "out of order". 

If it's Not GOD than it's NOTHING!! LET IT GO!!

Stay Tuned...

Bill & Melinda Gates Discovery Center

Seattle, Washington

 

Bill & Melinda Gates Discovery Center

Seattle, Washington 2018

Hello World!

Today's post is dedicated to all the wonderful people of God's Creation who brave life under the condition's of a broken heart. As I scrolled through all of YouTube's recommendations for viewing while looking for Tasha Cobbs' glorious song For Your Glory, I read the comments of a woman expressing her battle with depression. I could'nt resist the desire to reply...

ADA... Thank you for sharing your truth. It's a truth that I fight everyday. I resist admitting that I'm depressed, or rather I say, I refuse to claim it. I wont allow myself to define anything that I am going through as depression. Its hard for me to pull the covers from over my head and I lay in darkness for a long while and I tell myself, "its taking a little more time today". Then I get up and sit on the side of my bed for a long while and eventually I tell myself to "get started". The trauma of bad relationships haunt me and I tell myself, "forgive them, they didn't know what to do with their own pain". I know how this behavior is labeled in society and I resist it with every good thing left in me. I won't allow it to claim my whole being. I speak life to it and I move from the space in my mind that gives depression any chance of beating me down. If its memories of the past, than I DECIDE to take one giant step right now in my present. Sometimes its something so simple as sitting there and begin to WRITE in my DREAM journal. Most times its going to my knees and THANKING God for the VISION and FIGHT that I have left in me. Or sometimes its just STANDING to my feet and letting the sun SHINE through my window. If its the disappointment of my present, than I PLAN and ACT on some GREAT vision for my FUTURE.

I have decided that depression is more about the thoughts of MY MIND that I give MY LIFE's ENERGY to, rather than giving into the science matters of it all. That assumes that for some medical reasons, I no longer have a choice. But I DO HAVE A CHOICE of wether I lay in darkness or get up and let the SON shine in. What I do agree with is... its not so easy for me to wake up and be elated. And that's not everyday and that's okay. I don't lock myself into one condition "Depression". I STRUGGLE with it, but it is not the end all be all of who I AM. It is just a small fragment of my mind. I have to consider the other well working parts. There are so many other fragments that are BIGGER. My CREATIVE mind EXPLORES all day long and what I have learned in exploration is that My Life requires moreSTRENGTH. My Life requires more EFFORT. My Life requires more HOPE. My Life requires more PASSION and DESIRE to DREAM, BELIEVE, and LIVE andSTRIVE FOR VICTORY. And I do not "mind" at all if I carry a heavier load for such great qualities in me because I get EXCITED when it works! And what's my bottom line... "I would rather suffer for doing good than to suffer because I gave up on myself".

Wake Up World... PLANT lasting seeds!

Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation Discovery Center

Seattle, Washington

 Hello World!

Let’s talk about how God turns your trials into TRIUMPH!! I had a 1^st class experience that truly unveiled the Goodness, Grace, and Glory of God’s Love. To some it may seem like nothing, but for me, and the little girl inside that fought so many battles for me long before I became the woman I am discovering today, I am amazed at how God works it all out for His Good Will and Purpose. He does not skip a beat! And for that I’m grateful. I’m grateful that when I’m tempted to despair, He provides an escape from my own self-defeat. I’m grateful that even though I have ignored Him time and time again, and turned my heart away from Him for the love of temporary things, that He never withholds His Love from me and has everlasting compassion for my tears. I’m also grateful that He is merciful and does not allow all the consequences that my ill behavior and poor choices deserve, because He is now, and has always been, my Protector and my Provider and not my punisher.

I few years back I began to envision a cross-country trip. One day I would like to touch every state in this great country of ours and I have to admit, that Washington State was the last on my list. To me, it seemed the farthest away and besides the movie, Sleepless in Seattle (which I have never seen), I hadn’t heard much else that really interested me. But would it be cliché to say that Knowledge Unlocks Doors? Because what I experienced in just 3 days enamored me and gave me a greater hope.

Washington State jumped to the top 20 of my cross-country ambitions and made a very great impression on me. I was truly inspired by a visit to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, which also included a self-guided tour of their Discovery Center and Seattle’s Pop Culture Museum with a snapshot of the waterfront. The best way for me to describe why God chose my last location on my cross-country journey to be my first location at this very crucial time in my life (RESET 2018) sparked the image of a good book entitled My Thorns Formed My Crown written by a friend and former colleague, Terrence Jones. In short Terrence Jones speaks about how his trauma gave birth to his purpose. And I believe it is as such for everyone, who has truly persevered through relentless trauma. Some may come to know their purpose through 'purely' good guidance and loving support. Some of us, like me, may have felt that we almost missed it, with our eyes being blinded and our hearts being darkened by so many unfortunate circumstances. But by some miracle, God is working it all out for my Good and in the meanwhile, I am gaining more and more Freedom to Trust and Believe. Stay Tuned World…

Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation Discovery Center

Seattle, Washington

Hello World!!

Its day 2 of Reset 2018! I started Day 1 with a new book- T.D. Jakes' Soar. I started Day 2 on my way to Hartsfield Airport (flight delayed) to continue my Dream Journey. No, I won't be recapping each day of my fast, but of course I'm happy to share some key moments that God will reveal to me in the next level of self-discovery. 

So as I consider resetting my mindset, heart condition, and lifestyle aka Attitude&Actions in 2018, I thought forward to the unfolding of a great vision given to me more than a decade ago. Its gonna be far greater than anything I can imagine. I'm claiming it! I must! Its the first step to changing my attitude. I was tempted to believe that reset meant starting over, but when I searched the word, I learned that it actually means to start again or start anew. I like start anew! Let's review:

re·set; re·set·ting

transitive verb
• 1: to set again or anew reset type reset a diamond reset a circuitbreaker

1anew

adverb

\ə-ˈnü, -ˈnyü\ 

• 1: for an additional time : again begin anew
• 2: in a new or different form a story told anew  
  
  
  My mind is being reset like a diamond. My heart is being reset like a diamond. My attitude is being reset like a diamond. And my life “style” aka Actions will take a new or different form. My Dreams (God’s Purpose for my Life) are being reset like a diamond and my Journey continues in a new or different form. And for that I’m grateful and blessed to reset in 2018.
  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  

Hello World!!

Can I just say "I LOVE GOD's MINISTRY!". The ministry God assigned me to, is not the ministry I chose. Nearly 14 years ago, my sister heavily suggested I change churches because she felt that there was another ministry that would better serve God's plan for me. I heard... "You can't do anything right!" At that time, I was used to her constant "Big Sister" criticism of me and not the Big Sister (humbled) who was trying to help me, so I was slow to listen. But she eventually got me out to a few plays, and then some services, and a few outreach events. Still, I was somewhat content with "Happy Baptist" until she said "You know the church does their own Graphics and Set Design." She nailed it! You want to get my attention, BE Creative!

I'm a firm believer that

Children are more Active in Purpose when they

Discover their Own Great Abilities. 

Of course I didn't know this as a child, but thank God someone did. My grandparents, My mother, my sister, and my mentor. And so I learned well into my adulthood and after resisting everyone's persistent 'hype' about how talented you are, that

Art is the Tool God Used to Activate My Purpose!

So with this revelation I joined a ministry that will always hold a very special place in my heart. This ministry will never allow mediocrity or a poverty mindset. They will never allow or except my excuses. They are instrumental in my good conduct and hold me accountable for my poor behavior. They offer great insight to strengthen me and my relationship with God and they offer themselves as sacrifices and great testimonies of God's All Surpassing Power to 

Change Lives from the Inside Out! 

God always know what I need and when I need it. He knows the order of my steps. He knows the way to my destiny. He knows the truth about me and every intricate part of me and its function and purpose. He is the Artist of my design and I'm so grateful that He chooses Life for me when I don't know how to choose life for myself. I am still learning how to let God choose the people in my life that will help me along the path to my Greatest Self. I have even learned how to use people and circumstances that weren't the best to me to bring out the best in me. And I'm so thankful for the word of God, praying, worship, and fasting alongside The Soul Factory, because God knows I need a RESET!

Hello World!

I saw this quote some time ago, and it seemed right at first. But then I considered, "What does it matter to the world how I think of myself? The world will always have its own point of view." What is the ultimate deciding factor of how you will be viewed by the world? Your self-perspective? The latest trends? Your social media following? Hearts and Happy faces? Really? Is that all there is? I'm remembering what Dr. Chand said about never allowing anyone or anything degrade the quality of your heart. About how life will throw challenges at you that may cause you to second guess yourself, your ability, your strength, or your faith & trust in God.

When I decided to blog, friend, IG, or Tenille dot com, it was to send a message to the world... that is anyone entangled in a battle for their true self and significance or wavering the line of their self worth and purpose. I was asked a most impossible question "once" before "What is the meaning of life?" Those who follow the biblical principles of Christianity believe there is one meaning. I thought I had a really good answer, but this wasn't an all inclusive response at all- To Know, Experience, and Share the love of God. My response assumes that everyone has offered their life to Christ. I confess, that back then, I had a big problem with being misunderstood. Not with the person, but being down right hard on myself and feeling I didn't express myself well, or that was just poor delivery.  

I allowed my response to haunt me for the rest of the day, thinking I may have confused someone that could potentially be seeking a relationship with Christ. So I asked God to help me answer that question with His insight and understanding. The very next day, on my way to work, God had given me an answer on the side of a Salvation Army truck. "Doing the most Good!" Talk about having your guns loaded and ready to shoot. I was never asked that question again to this very day. And I have since then tailor fitted that answer according to God's plan for my life. 

So what ultimately determines my value, is not even how highly I think of myself, because that can change so rapidly and can bring negative interference in the midst of my greatest thoughts, that obviously, I can't rely on my every thought. So ultimately, "I" rely on God. He is the source of my true self, my purpose, and any good thing that I will do in this life time. He is even the source for waking up to each new day. God says I'm worth the highest price He can pay. And I nor the world, can change His decision.

Hello World!

Let's Dream Talk for a moment! First things first, have you laid the foundation? Those tools that will be your guiding principles the whole journey through. Those special elements that will have the lasting power to uplift you when the load of your Dreams seem to heavy to carry any further than your last misfire or setback. Or those qualities within that will keep you steady and humbled when success shines abundance and plenty on you. Gather your tools and ready or not, on your mark, get set... GO!


Ready or not, on your mark, get set, and GO! Those words take me back to one of my most significant Dream moments. It was the moment I heard God say "Go!" It was under the sound of my most inspiring Pastor's voice, Jill Cloud, that I heard these words... It's not the bad that's haunting you, its the good saying come get me I'm Good and I'm waiting on you!" Euphoric, isn't it? What Do your Dreams cry out when they speak to you? I insist you allow your dreams to order your steps. Your Dreams have the great desire to offer you a life that you will love, but ironically, also a life that can make you afraid. It is a phenomenon that I like to call the unknown power of God and Self. Others may call it "Fear of the Unknown". And some have ever so simply asked the question...

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?" The answer to this question unfolds as you pick up your tools and Go Discover You, the Power of God, and your Dreams!

Hello World!

Have you ever woke up like this? Eager, Expectant, Exhausted, and Emptied all before you could roll over once, pull back the covers and open your eyes to face daylight? I have (many times) and I did... just this morning! And I asked myself wavering, "What's Happening?" with that "Home Alone" expression on my face and perhaps a little teeny grizzly bear sized roar. I asked myself wavering, because sometimes, I'm not sure I want to know.

That's just the kind of world I live in. In my small world in my head or the BIG world surrounding me, I don't always want to know whats going on. I don't always want to understand. I don't always want to figure it out and I don't always want to have an answer to the questions of life in my head. I'm honest enough to admit it and I think that its a huge part of being set FREE. Life always seems to have some problem that must be solved. A question to be answered. Or a quest to embark on. And that my friends is how I can wake up Eager, Expectant, Exhausted, and Emptied before my bowl of Frosted Flakes.

So I took my first Big Risk of the day and conjured up an answer and what is happening for me is the idea of "The Constant". The days constantly come, and that is GREAT! The ideas, hopes, aspirations, and opportunities constantly come and that's WONDERFUL! But my reality constantly comes with those ambitions that rise & shine on me like sunlight and I can't help but see that my circumstances are a little less bright than I prefer them to be and they are constant as well. So what does it matter to get up and play the main attraction in this side show once again?

At times such as this, its imperative that I revisit my faithful response to all things... "GOD 1st". That constant racket of the "to-do list" is a heavy load to attempt to chisel away day after day. But I have these treasures in clay jars telling me to REMEMBER GOD! TRUST GOD if only just for today! Recognize when you're more invested and focused on things of this world rather than the sustaining power of your BEAUTIFUL SOUL. Know that yesterday's strength finished its work and today requires NEW Strength. Know that once your eyes are opened you can choose to SOAR High on Wings like Eagles or lie dormant, depressed, or defeated in your bed. You can RUN the path you have envisioned and in due time you will wake up and WALK graciously in the Freedom that FAITH established for you before the world was formed.

I'M STRONGER! I'M WISER! I'M BETTER! MUCH BETTER!

When I look back over what HE brought Me Through! I MADE IT! BECAUSE I HAD YOU TO HOLD ON TO! NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE IT WITHOUT YOU LORD!

Hello World!

How often do you consider the pile up of mess we create when we push divine purpose to the side to do things our own way? Or how about the rift we allow to diminish our value because we're too impatient, too easily distracted, too fearful of our own greatness, and soon become lazy and weighed down by a divided and frustrated heart or too many excuses causing the mind confusion? Or how about the agony of allowing your mistakes, poor choices, or hard circumstances tell you that you're unworthy time and time again? Ooops! My bad... that's just me.

Well about me, I created a lot of my own mess doing things my old way and trying deliberately to push my New Life to the side because I felt tired of trying to handle ALL of God's grandiose ideas about me.

But I don't think God ever told me to handle it ALL, or to do it ALL, or to get it ALL right. I'm pretty sure I set myself up or somehow tried to position myself as my own God. I am not ALL and cannot perform ALL such as God can. Furthermore, I'm much harder on myself than I believe God intended me to be. I know He wants my good and determined efforts, but when has that recipe for life ever torn anyone down. I have to ask myself what have I added to the ingredients that make this fruit filled pie taste so nasty.

I think I made have added some worldly genetically modified hormone injected power. Well that kind of power isn't lasting. It's puffed up and can't be trusted. It doesn't posses the authority, virtue, and fortitude, of the power that God has. Actually, world power is quite out of order and only creates more weakness, fear, anxiety, and disorder. But God's power is effective and infinite. And what's most important to me is that God is fearless! He's not afraid to go up against the darkness in this world and never feels defeated. God is in control and His mighty power is at work in US! Ooops! My bad... maybe just in me.

Hello World!

Ready or Not, it's time to move forward with the New Life created in you. And my contribution to your journey is this one guiding principle I always go to. God 1st! Everything else that follows God 1st choices is the New Life. When I made God 1st in my life, my Dreams became desires of His plan. My beliefs were affirmed and manifested according to His Purpose. And every Victory the evidence of having a Loving Father who shows me Mercy, Grace, Faithfulness, and Forgiveness. He then honors me for putting Him first by adding Abundant Favor. To God be the Glory for it ALL.

So what I have learned about the New Life, is that so much is required for those that truly want to know, experience, and share in the Love of God. But the barrier that often blocks our way to keeping God 1st is that we don't realize that God is ALL that we need.

I believe that what happens to us who become anxious, frustrated, or fearful, is that we want what we do not have. And once we have that, we want more. Not being satisfied on the outside, causes conflicts on the inside. The soul longs for God but the flesh wants the way of the world. I have learned for myself, that choosing God is the greatest accomplishment of my life, everything else is a gift, and even when I turn away God because of things undone or not had or I simply didn't feel like doing the work, my road of selfish desires, ambitions, fear, doubt, and laziness lead me right back to God 1st allowing me another chance to choose God again.

Some of us don't realize how many of the things we chase in this life add nothing to our best self or best life ever. Many of us don't know that God is all you need, until God is ALL you got! Think it through! Which of your many options would be your greatest gift to you? How will you choose when you're given the chance to choose God again?

Happy New Year World!

Today is that special day of the year when many of us try to start a new life yet again! We look back at the years past and try to answer those questions of faith that seem to get lost in the unfolding of hour upon hour and day after day. Then finally, we're in a New Year hoping and praying, that now is the time for the old life to be done! So we start a new Faith Quest. This Year is My Year! I'm starting fresh! Brand New ME! And for some, we just plea "For heaven's sakes please don't let the mistakes of my past catch up to me or all is lost!" Seems extreme, but often its true. When I fail to emerge as as the woman of my dreams, I feel a little empty inside. My ambitions seem a little unattainable. A little bit of doubt creeps in and plays musical chairs with me. Who takes the seat Tenille? Trials and conflicts? Or the Woman God created you to BE?


My real issue is that great expectations often does not lead the way to great results, and so we become anxious and grumble. Oh how many years I told myself that a new life begins when I achieve great results! But its not the truth. A new life begins with your trust, obedience, sacrifice, service, and praise to God no matter what results you get. You want to truly see a "New Life" emerge, give up your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and give God your best anyway. Not just for a prize at the end of each challenge you face, but because you understand that He chose a NEW Life for you according to his good and perfect plan and purpose and not according to your great expectations.


A New Life with God as the headliner will never leave you feeling empty, inadequate, or confused. There are gifts from God that accompany the New Life that help you to do away with any foolishness that tries to play opposition. Yes! even your own old foolish ways that declare they're here to stay. Get rid of it! Try God! Again! And Again! And let Him add to you the days of glory that He has planned with you. You hold within your soul the key to unlock the door to your "New Life" You are welcomed to knock, you will receive His answer, accept it and choose to come through the door, firmly shut the door behind you, and there's a seat right next to God... take your seat!